A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.
P: "Uh ... How's that working?"
B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
P. "And why do you think that is?"
B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" . . .
(are you ready?) ... this is a beauty ....
My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
Once there was a blonde who was so stupid that. . .
- she called me to get my phone number,
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring.
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't fit the bottle in the typewriter.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme.
What is a blonde's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? The blonde, because she's 18.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4-way stop.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? "This Goes In Front."
AND THE BEST ONE FOR LAST....
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, look!! Donut seeds!"
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice, red sports car, was how attractive the driver was. She was a gorgeous blonde.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. May I see your driver's license please?"
"License?" replied the blonde, instantly revealing that she was as bright as a bag of hammers.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.
"Now, may I see your registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration? What's that?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop, impatiently.
After more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute," said the cop as he walked back to his car. The officer radioed the dispatcher to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher radioed back.
"Um... is this woman driving a red sports car?"
"Yes," replied the officer.
"Is she a drop dead, gorgeous blonde?"
"Yes."
"Here's what you do..." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants."
"What! I can't do that! That's crazy!" exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me. Just do it," insisted the dispatcher.
The cop returned to the blonde, gave back the license And registration, and dropped his pants just as the dispatcher had suggested. The blonde looked down and sighed, "Oh no... Not another Breathalyzer!"
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