Bumper Snickers
You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God......Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If Progress Means To Move Forward What Does Congress Mean?
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name
He Who Dies With The Most Toys...Still Dies
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
Cover Me I’m Changing Lanes
He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.
I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
All reports are in: life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
A day without sunshine is like a day in Rochester.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
JESUS SAVES. . .He passes to Gretzky. .He Shoots. . .He scores!
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
Save Your Breath. . .You’ll need it to blow up your date.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
So you’re a feminist... Isn’t that cute?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Out of my mind...back in 5 minutes.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there’s a will...I want to be in it.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always remember you’re unique...Just like everyone else.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
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email:hotrodhearse@yahoo.com