Reasons It's Great to be a Guy
- A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Monday Night Football.
- Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
- When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
- A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
- You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
- When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
- Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
- Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- If you're 34 and single, nobody notices.
- You can write your name in the snow.
- You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can be President.
- Flowers and/or duct tape fix everything.
- You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
- Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never misconstrue innocuous statments to mean your lover is about to leave you
- Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
- One mood, all the time.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress: $2,000. Tux rental: $100.
- You don't pass on dessert then mooch off someone else's.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- ESPN's SportsCenter.
- You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
- If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
- Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
- You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
- If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
- You know how to operate a toilet seat if it's left up.
- You can kill your own food.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
- You never have to worry about anyone else's feelings.
- Phone conversations last only 30 seconds.
- You know lots of useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
- Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
- The garage is all yours.
- You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
- None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
- You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
- You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- You don't care if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
- You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "He must be mad at me."
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
- You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
- The remote is yours and yours alone.
- You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Flushing the toilet is optional.
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